I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
