come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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