I wish you could order shots online.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
