guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Someone signed my nipple.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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