I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
