did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
