Will you blow on my dice?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
