im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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