You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
