Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize