Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
