Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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