my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
