just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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