Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
