It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
