the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
