I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
