why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
