Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize