Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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