"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
