I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize