Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
we're so committed to being not committed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
