he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
