Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I need a beard to bite.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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