what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
