Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
