He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
