i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
