we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
