Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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