I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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