Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
