Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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