pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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