everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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