just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
