So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
