I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
