i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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