Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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