I need to stop coming to work sober
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize