If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
