I heard we made out
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This couple is walking their pig around campus
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
