I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your penis caused this!
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