Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize