she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
sex in a hospital.. check
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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