why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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