Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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