She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
