im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
