dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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