So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
