census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
