Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
