you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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