hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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