there's paper in my vomit.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
