kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize