and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
