the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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