last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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