It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
