After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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