So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
