so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize