You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize