she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize