well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just cropdusted the office
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize