there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
