i would punch a child for taco bell
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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