Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
