Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize